Kim, Bob, and Jesse

Merry Christmas. We wish you were here. We love you!!!

WOW

Tomorrow is Christmas eve. For some odd reason it doesn't feel like Christmas. I see the presents under the tree and the decorations and everyone scrambling around and I'm on vacation but it still just doesn't feel like Christmas. I seriously don't even know why. As I prepare for Christmas like wrapping presents and baking, I think 'what am I doing this for?' I really don't know whats wrong with me. It doesn't feel like I feel this way because Joe and Duane wont be with us for Christmas this year. I mean I will miss Joe the same as I do every other day but I seriously don't think that's why I feel this way. Maybe I'm just getting older and Christmas doesn't excite me as much as it used too. This year I'm not worried about getting up at 6 to unwrap presents, I could care less if I sleep in. Oh well...

Caramels

I woke up early today because mom invited some of her friends over to help wrap the camamels she made last night. I made cookies, they were good I guess.

Last night when mom was making the caramels I wanted to lick the spoon. She said that I should wait to eat the caramel after it cooled down because candy doesnt cool down for a while because candy crystalizes. So I touched one part of it and it was cooled off. So I went to go touch a big glob of caramel and I burnt myself real bad. So bad that not even puting ice or taking pain reliever or neosporin on it help. This morning I woke up and had a BIG BIG BIG blister on it. I have no feeling on the top of my index finger.

So while my mother was cutting the caramels Judy, Stacy, and I wrapped them. Did you know one batch of caramels is 5 pounds. Mom made 15 pounds worth of caramels.

After that we all made candel holders out of baby food jars. It was pretty fun. We listened to Kid rock while making them. I personally would have liked to listen to christmas music but my mom has nothing of the sort.

SCOTT & WEATHER

Well the weather pretty much makes me mad. I cant go see scott this weekend. The only day its going to be decent out is satuday and he has to work saturday. Like I said before its so hard to not see him on the weekends. I hate living 25 minutes away from him.

Speaking of that. Mom the other night pretty much told me that I should find someone else because 2 years is way to long for a teenager to be dating one person. I dont want to date anyone else. Grammie and Beepa have been together since she was 13. So why cant I be with scott? I dont see any problem with being with scott for this long. I know some of you think Im settling but Im really not. Ive been in two different schools since ive been with scott and if I liked someone else like I love scott I wouldve dropped scott probably a while ago. It upsets me when people tell me things like I should be with someone else. Im just living life day by day.

doin what i like to do best =]

Tonight I have a Choir concert. Its obviously christmas themed. We are singing in this order, Home for the holidays, a manger carol, rocking around the christmas tree, and merry christmas to all ( the medlie) A medlie is a mixture of songs of the same genre.

Anyway I gots to go finish getting ready WISH ME LUCK!

The past few days

Thursday my best friend Beccah came over because she didn't have to work. So we walked to my house and then made some gingerbread crafts. She made a gingerbread christmas tree and I made a gingerbread house. She stayed until about 6 until her uncle came to get her after he got out of work. This is the first time I think Ive really talked about Beccah so Ill give you some background information. We met from our friend darren over the summer and didnt really become friends until the beginning of this year and then became best friends pretty much right off after we started talking a lot. Shes a lot of fun and I think you'll be seeing her a lot over summer at camp.

So then of course I went to scotts house and Scott and I made gingerbread christmas tree's too. Today we went to go look at the ping pong table he wants to get for his family this christmas and he can actually afford it cause he finally got a temporary job.

Im still not too sure what I want for christmas though....

Steph was right...I was studying a lot. I wasnt grounded. Im the cutest most innocent little girl ever. I dont do anything wrong.

Do you remember how I told you about the PSAT I took. Well I got an average score. Just average, not above average, or below average. Just average. Which my guidence councilor said was great for a PSAT. Im not satisfied though.

OMG. My grades are still really good. I cant believe how well I am doing! I have edline which is a website you can look at to see current grades as long as the teacher has posted and still if we were to get report cards now Id be on honor roll. However, I have a low B in my science class and i will be switching the science class anyway because all my teacher does now is talk. nothing but talk. I want a more hands on way to learn. The only way to learn is to be taught how you learn best. Mrs. Gilbert is a more hands on teacher and i will be switching into her class next semester.
Also because of our new principle we are getting a new schedule. It will be block scheduling. That means there are only 4 classes a day and each semester its 1 credit so I can get up to 8 credits as appose to now where i can only be getting 7. Also instead of midterms after the first semester we get final exams because second semester we get 4 new classes. And the biggest advantage is not having so many books in my bag. The biggest disadvantage is that the credits are being raised to graduate and you have to get a 70 to pass where as now its only 60.

OMG ( agian) Scott got me a nail kit for my birthday because he knows i like that kind of stuff. YOu see this wasnt just any old nail kit it was an nail kit that you see in nail salons. I could do my own acrylic nail like in a nail salon. Turns out Im a natural because I need my own nails and they look prefessionally done. Makes me even more confused about what i want to do when i grow up. I really love doing make up, hair, and nails. But i also really love taking pictures. Ha pat, scotts brother lets me do his make up and nails all the time. Scott and patrick let me cut there hair. But pat hasnt let me in a long time cuz he wants to grow it out ( yuck). If mom let me do her nails i would do them but shes not as girly as I am.

GRR

Sorry I havent been posting. For some odd reason my google account wasnt working.

Thank you all for such a wonderful surprise birthday party. I have to come clean though. I saw grammy rush to the bathroom so I knew something was up. I also looked right at you guys in the bathroom and it took you like 20 seconds to yell "SURPRISE" hahaha.

My grades right now are so good. If we were to get report cards right now, I'd be on honor role. YAY ME. Now lets see if I can keep those grades up. I start drivers ed on January second. Which by the way my mother is rufusing to teach me how to drive and wants beepa or uncle chris to teach me. But heres the thing. Its not like we live next door together and im a middle aged teenager, you think im going to give up my weekends? HA yeah right! Another thing is I need 25 hours of driving practice and i cant get that all in in 8 weekends mom is going to have to take me during the week too. I dont know. Maybe i should just wait for my driving instructer to teach me...

Turkey Day

Yeah, so my turkey was AWESOME!

Happy Thanksgiving my beautiful family. I love you all very much

ps. My birthday is only 3 days away!!!

Did you know?

Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?

So yeah...Im never going to have to worry about spelling anything right ever again...If you guys could read that you guys can read what I write.
So heres to Stephanie and I!

oh yeah, on christmas I was thinking about singing slient night, but im still not to sure...Kim, Bob and Jesse wouldnt be able to hear me sing it...

UH-OH!

Mom is sick today so Im going to have to try and take care of her today. Hopefully I dont get sick doing so. Shes not as sick as the kids and Robin were, which is really great and hopefully she'll feel better tomorrow for Thanksgiving so we can still have it here.

Robin, Mom really doesn't want you to feel bad. She wanted to take care of you and the kids and she knew what could happen going into the situation.

My birthday is also in 4 DAYS. what'd you get me? HUHHHH?

KIM!

THANK YOU Kim, Bob, and jesse. I opened the card early...i know, im bad. What can I say...im 16 and teens my age can be rebelious. Jk

And Kim...mom wanted me to tell you a little story. well, I was trying to do something nice for mom and i tried to put up a shelf. But i couldnt get the nails in so i had to take them out. But then there was chipped paint and holes in the wall so I stuck silly puddy in the wall. She thought youd think that was funny. She also wanted me to tell you a personal joke i told my mother and she thought it was kinda disturbing and well...maybe you had to be there but...One night i was taking a shower and I saw a dead fly behind me. So when I got out of the shower I said JOKINGLY "Mom? I think a fly fell out of my crack" She cracked up laughing and thought that I should tell you that. But now everyone else knows...and Im probably not going to hear the end of that one either!

so um yeah!

I just watched a movie with my mother. We watched Georgia Rule and it was an awesome movie. Its about a girl who has to go live with her grandmother over summer in Idaho. The girl is sort of a trouble maker but theres a reason for that and I dont want to give to much away.....Watch it you'll like it.

Let It Snow!

Did you southern New Hampshireners get snow? We did! I walked home in it. But It wasnt enough to stick or cover the ground. Whitefield already has like 6" those lucky snowmens! And it was really stupid of me to walk home without a swearshirt on...

Um I guess I spelled spelt wrong which is REDICULOUS! It didnt show up on spell check. So HA. Even spell check spells spelt wrong. Plus Im going to be a veary famous person, like the president so I can change all these words that I spell wrong to be spelt right. So doctor will be spelt docter and spelled will be spelt spelt!

Did you know that independence war thingy started on Alyssas birthday in 1775? betcha I just learned you a new thing!

well everybody my birthday is in 8 days! Grammies is on monday!

And Robin...I did get "beaut" from my grandmother so you can blame her. Oh and I also got my shoe obsession from her as well....she started me young I tell ya!

Ok so its D.O.C.T.O.R

Ive always spelt it D.O.C.T.E.R and no one has ever corrected me on it. Psssh whatever I'm going to write to the president and tell him to change it because doctor just doesnt look right. It looks right spelt docter.

OK so you know how I said I was failing some of my classes? Well I got my report card and I didn't fail any of my classes. Aren't you proud. However, I'm defiantly going to make more of an effort this quarter 'cause last quarter was just miserable!!!

10 days til my birthday people get moving...ha ha jk

And steph, I will be totally understandable if I get my present 4 to 6 months later.Hahaha

All this talk....

So today my mom wanted to go out to eat. On the way I asked her what we were doing for thanksgiving this year. But some how the subject got changed. So than I asked her again and she told me that we could either go have thanksgiving with Steph or we could go out to eat. I said "well what about Robin is she going to Joe's parents?" She said yes, but not 'til after she has thanksgiving with her kids. As pathetic as I am I started bawling in front of every body at the restaurant. Its going to be hard. I only remember having thanksgiving with Robin and Joe once but it wasn't the just the fact that I wouldn't be with Joe on thanksgiving but the fact that Robin and the kids wont be with Joe. I cant even write this without crying. I just miss him a lot and I wish every thing could be normal because I still go through the day with things that constantly remind me of Joe.

I don't know if I want to go to a restaurant because that not what Im used to but I also sorta want to be selfish and have just my family at stephs for thanksgiving but I know Chris's mom goes over there so thats not gonna happen either. I guess I'll have to suck it up either way.

So mom suggested we go to Robins this weekend. I heard Alyssa wanted to see my American girl doll. So I'll bring that over and I will consider giving it to her since I don't play with the doll anymore and I know Alyssa will love to play with the doll and all of the little things I have to go along with the doll.

I dont think Robin knows we'll be going over yet.hahaha

11 more days til my 16th birthday!

Yesterday....

I had a short conversation with mom yesterday and it went like this

me: Hey mom guess what?!

Her: What?

me: 13 more days until I turn 16!

Her: * sigh *

Me: Im so excited arent you excited?!

Her: Im getting old....

Me: Im getting old too ya know!

I think its the kids job to make a parent feel old.....not intentionally though

my day off

today went really slow.

lets see....

I burnt myself a CD

I took a shower

I made myself pretty...for nothing

I talked to scott and his mom is out of surgery and doing well.

I watched some Tv

I took care of my laundry

thats about it

15 DAYS TIL MY BIRTHDAY

I mostly just want gift cards

I love khols and the tanger outlet mall...maybe some gas cards for the future since ill be getting my licence in march...or just money in general....or a car lol

Brrrr

Its cold. Much colder than it was last year this time around. Maybe we'll actually get a white Christmas. but lets not jinx it.

anyway I have tomorrow and Monday off, as you know. whew i get to sleep in. The most amazing part is...I'm not going to Scott's house. Can you believe it. It's kinda weird considering that every moment of free time that Ive had has been with Scott pretty much for the past two years ( unless i was grounded ) His mother is going into surgery tomorrow that's why. Not really major surgery but sorta more risky than non major surgeries. but what isn't risky now a days anyway? I'm going to see him Saturday instead of tonight or tomorrow so I guess Ill call some friends and see what they re doing or something.

OMG I almost forgot. You remember how I started to be more friendly and make new friends and stuff because of the Rachel's challenge? Well today at lunch I saw some kids play hack outside. I decided that since my mother failed to give me lunch money that I would go play with them. So I joined. Actually as lunch went on a lot of other kids joined as well. You should have seen the people from different cliques in the circle. Ive never liked cliques and Ive never really labeled myself because I have a variety of friends, "cheerleaders", "football players", "choir peeps", "band geeks", "the hicks" and others who choose to do what I do best, not label themselves in any clique. I didn't play very well in hack but it was fun because I got to see that kids who were different could actually get along with other people. I'm PROUD of not being labeled. I just wish that other people in these so called cliques could realize that most of them are alike. But they wouldn't know it unless they were in my shoes. I try to tell them but they just don't care as much. Since Ive been in high school Ive been going by this " You re only afraid of those who remind you of yourself." So be the best person you can be and the only thing to "fear is fear itself."

This probably doesn't make a lot of sense because I didn't really think this out. I just wrote down my thoughts as I thought it.

PS. 16 days until my birthday
pss. I still am unsure of what I would like
psss. mom, I still really want an I pod!

Oh Deer!

Apparently the deer arent the only things getting hit by cars now a days. Let me tell you my story, its short.....

Today I was walking home and I took my normal route. As I was passing cumberland farms, the convientient store that Im sure you all know, a lady was waiting to pull out of the drive way thingy. She was looking RIGHT at me and wasnt moving or anything so when like 30 LONG seconds passed I decided to keep walking. Now, I usually go around the car or truck but this time I did not. I should have. That lady who SAW me walking started to pull out of the parking lot. SHE HIT ME. Well she nudged me but hard enough to hurt. And that stupid lady kept trying to pull out until I hit my fist on her hood. She could have run me right over. Mom laughed at me and Im sure kim will to and probably the rest of you....But im telling you wednesdays are haunting me!!!!

Anyway today I feel a lot better. Haha, today I went to school after missing two days 'cause i was sick. I got to second period and found out that I have friday off and monday! So lucky me I only had to go in two days this week and only three and a half next week.

Jenn, I am switching classes because its clear that I am not as smart as the rest of my family ( ive seemed to lack those genes ) and Im going down to the regular college classes insted of the advanced college classes.Ill do much better in those classes.

17 DAYS TIL MY 16TH BIRTHDAY!!!

????

Um, I'm a little confused about why I make you laugh Kim. Can someone explain that to me?

Only 18 more days until my 16th birthday.

Which reminds me that I need to tell you guys what I want for my birthday. Well I'm sure you all know that Id really like a car but that aint gonna happen!!! That'd be a good laugh and a half. OMG that reminds me!!! I keep having these dreams that I'm driving but my breaks don't work or Ill start speeding and I cant slow down. I guess I have a fear?

Ive been meaning to write about this next thing for a really long time. I've been debating on whether or not to write but I guess I need to get it off my shoulders. Last week or maybe the week before I was pretty much running to the bus stop because I was late. I look up and the bus was there but it was still about 15 or 20 feet in front of me. But I looked really hard in the fog and I swear I saw a man standing in the middle of the road in front of the bus like the bus wouldn't move until I got on. I couldn't see his face because his head was down and he was wearing a baseball hat. When I got on the bus I looked out the window and he was gone. No where to be seen. I didn't say anything because I didn't want people to think I was crazy. But now you guys probably think so. I told mom and she just gave me a look. Not a look like I had two heads, but a look that made me a little uncomfortable. And seriously if you guys think I'm LOONY now just don't tell me cause I was afraid that was going to happen.....

My weekend,

I raked in the rain. I cut my hand with scissors. I thought about Joe...A LOT.Not that that's anything new. I don't know why but my heart still aches really bad. I miss him a lot. I want to see him so bad. I don't know if this happened but him and Jenn were supposed to go snowboarding and me and him had this little inside joke that we would buy another jet ski. And I still feel really bad about yelling at him while we all were playing spinners and he wouldn't pay attention I just cant let any of it go. I promised him when I showed him my schedule for 10th grade that id do a good job and now I'm failing some of my classes. I know this shouldn't mean anything but my birthdays on the 25th and that means a lot to me and not in a good way either. I mean I'm defiantly excited that I'll be 16 but if it was on any day other then the 25th......

Docter Docter!!!

I didnt go to school today because I feel so sick. Im not even going to write a big paragraph about my weekend today or anything because I feel so sick. I wish there was no such thing as GERMS...gah.

Soo?

How is everyone? My life has been pretty normal and Ive been really good for my mom. I havent talked back to her at all. Im so proud of myself.

JESSE!!!

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY JESSE I LOVE YOU!!!

Ok

This weekend I went to auntie stephs house because I was grounded and mom left. So saturday mom dropped me off like a sack-o-tatos and me and Steph went to Brendas house and then we went and got the truck because Kristyn decided to ride her bike home. But only made it 60 miles. Which is still really good though. Then after a long day of getting lost and being in the car all day we got a break and went to robins house. One of the first things my little Alyssa said was " I so glad to see you Heada" hehehe. Then we went to Stephs house and I watched the red sox kick some Indian butt!!! ( I think thats who they were playing) So the next day noone had to work and we went to a pumpkin patch and picked out pumpkins. Kristen carved a tree. Jenn carved a drunk face with the insides of the pumpkin spilling out of its mouth. It looked awesome!! And I did a witch.

umm as you might already know, I dont get to take drivers ed this month. I have to wait until january. AND I BETTER BE IN THAT CLASS CAUSE I ALREADY SENT THE FORMS AND MONEY...humph

ps. Jesse's birthday is tomorrow...!!!

Ummmm?

Nothing great has been happening. Just been going to school, coming home, and then doing homework. ugh...

Auditions

Today I had my audition for the barbershop festival. This year there were new judges. I was hoping the judges were going to be the same as last year because I wanted to ask them if they thought I improved since last year. This is if they had remembered, but it doesnt matter because it wasnt the same people. However, these judges said that I was amazing and I have a really good wide range of pitches. I was proud of myself. Even though I'm almost guarrenteed of being in the festival this year because I was in it last year, the judges said that it would be a pleasure to have me in the festival agian this year and that I should be looking foward to the acceptance letter in January. YAYYY GO ME!

Anyway Mr Lamarre, the drivers ed teacher, finally called back and left a message saying that the class was full even before mom sent the forms in and everything. Im a little upset. Mom has to call him back again and discus it. So im going to go remind her right now...

oh yeah...hahaha my hair is BLUE

JESSE!!!

I just realized that jesse's birthday is in like....8 days! Wow, 13, I remember those days. Almost 3 years ago I was 13, only... I was in 8th grade. But still it seems like just yesterday me a little jesse were wrestling on the floor and this summer we only argued like ONCE. WHOOO HOOO. I Love you Jess....

Dont you feel old Kim? Hes practically a teen. ( Good luck with that )

I chose..

I chose Thank You to sing by Ashanti. I means a lot to me as far as lyrics go. I think I said it was an easy song to sing in my previous post but I disagree with myself. Mostly because the song has some really high notes and some really low notes and some measures I have to sing without taking a breath so I have to take a sort of slilent deep breath before I sing that verse/measure. Its realy hard to explain.

Anyway. I am having troubles with drivers ed and I havent even started yet. See, I have this friend who will be taking the same drivers ed class as me. She has gotten things in the mail from our teacher and I have not. Ive already paid for drivers ed and if it turns out that im not going to be in the class i will be very upset. He is not returning our calls!!!

Tomorrow I get to go to school at 8 because I am taking the PSAT. Its a practice SAT so I can be prepared when and if I do take the SAT. ARENT YOU PROUD?!

Barbershop Festival

Last year as you all know I was chosen to be in the Barbershop Festival. Every year high school kids can audition in front of the barbershop coordinators to be in the show. Last year I sang I hope you dance by Lee Ann Womack.

The auditions are coming up next Thursday and I'm not sure what I will sing. I was thinking about Thank You by Ashanti because I sang that for a talent show in 7th grade. It's a fairly short song and it has no music with it. That means its ocapella ( not sure how to spell that and its not in spell check. Anyways if you guys have any suggestions about a good song I should sing and one that I can learn quickly, let me know. WISH ME LUCK!!!

Wednesdays

Yesterday was a wednesday. Another bad wednesday for me....*sigh*

Blue Man Group

Oh my goodness. I went to the Blue Man Group tonight and it was AMAZING! I have to admit when I first told Judy I'd go with her, I wasn't to excited about going. I just figured I go because I had nothing else to do tonight. But when I got there the show was so exciting and amazing. It wasn't what I expected it to be at all. This is how my day went:

I slept at Judy's house last night. So I woke up at like 7:30 Demetri climbing over my head to get the remote. Haha the first thing I saw this morning was a foot in my face so my day started out with a laugh. Then I took a shower around 9. I watched the kids after that so Judy could take her shower. When she was done getting ready we went out for breakfast at like 10. When we got back everybody was there and ready to go. When I say everybody I mean Judy's mom, Dan's mom and dad, Dan's aunt, Judy, Dan and I. So we were off to go pick up Judy's brother at UNH where he goes to college. Then we were off the Boston. When we got there we had a late lunch early dinner sorta thing at 3:30. We had to be in the theatre at 4:30 and the show started at 5. It was a blast. It was a comedy slash musical. The show was good 'cause the included the audience in it a lot! At the end of the show the 3 blue dudes were out near the entrance where you could make donations towards aids ( well you know what I mean) and you could take pictures. I got a picture with one of them which was awesome. They don't talk though so the conversation didn't go to well...hahaha.

I will try to put the picture up next time I post. But right now I am really tired and I still have to check out the other blogs. Its a good thing I don't have school in the morning!

You...

Every time I see a motorcycle. Every time I hear a motorcycle. Every time I see Alyssa's face. Every time I see Luke's face. Every time I see Robin's face. Every time I hear those songs. Every time I walk out side and it's a beautiful day. Every time I see a ford. Every time I look at my register and see that I made my account the day before. Every time I think about my birthday. The number 25. Anniversaries. Curly hair. A "life's good" T-shirt. Orange soda. Spinners. Every time I wear my " Jordyns ride" t-shirt. My friend Joe. The news. An ambulance. Howie from deal or no deal. Every time I go to camp. Every time I ride the boat. Every time I see those pictures. Every time someone mentions an accident. Mints. Vodka. Uncles. Spiders. Sports. Waves. Simple answers. Every time I see a truck. Every time I see a flat bed. Every time I hear that someone is dying. Every time I hear someone died. Chances. My memories. The ache. It hurts. YOU. Every time I see your face.

My life is based on frustration.....It won't stop even if I scream. Even if I pray. Even if I laugh. Even if I cry.

I've asked a few questions that nobody is able to answer. Why is it that I see things on T.V or hear about people who have been getting in to motorcycle accidents because they were doing stupid stuff like wheelies and they live, but he dies just trying to go home? Why did god take him when he had so much here? Why in such a way? I don't get it and it will always frustrate me. Frustration leads to sadness and hurt and crying and then living it all over every day.

Rachel Joy Scott

Columbine

Today I learned about Columbine High School. Today my life changed once again.

Today in school a guy named Richard came to our school to talk about Rachel's Challenge. Rachel Scott was the first student killed at Columbine High School. He talked about how she wanted to change the world and a month before she died she wrote a school essay and in her essay she said a few things that keep playing like a movie over and over in my head. She wrote this: " I have a theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion then it can start a chain reaction" and she wrote," My codes may seem like a fantasy that can never be reached, but test them for yourself, and see the kind of effect they have in the lives of people around you." It made me think long and hard about the kind of person I am and the kind of person I want to be. So today I started this 'chain reaction'. At lunch I saw a kid sitting by himself at the table and I said to my friends Darren and Desiree,' I'm going to go sit with him. Do you want to come?' They did and at first it was a little awkward because other kids were starring at us like we were crazy but after a few minutes another few people came over to sit down. And then another few people. By the time lunch was over the picnic table was filled and we had kids surrounding us. It felt great. I felt a sort of warmth in my heart. The person that kept going through my head was uncle Joe. Mostly because I know Joe was the very same way. He wouldn't let anybody be alone during activities or anything fun. He was the first person to ask you if you wanted to go on a boat ride with him or go for a walk or something.

At the very end of the program thing Richard asked us to picture people that we a gratful for and people that we couldn't live without. I cried uncontrollably because I thought of Joe. Then he asked us to go home and tell the first person that popped in our heads, that we loved them. I cried even more because I could not come home and call Joe and tell him I loved him. So insted I screamed it and then started crying again...whats wrong with me?

If you can I want to you to go to this website http://www.rachelschallenge.com/Home/tabid/1570/Default.aspx and read what she wrote and watch what I watched today its on there just check out the site. I know this is for high school students mostly but I know some adults out there that can act the same way as teens. I don't mean you guys though.

Canada

I'm going to Canada this weekend ( yeah Kim laugh it up it is a different country( didn't mean that sarcastically) ) but I'm not really going for fun. I'm going there to support Scott because his gram is in the hospital and they don't know if she's gonna make it. Scott and his family was there for me when Uncle Joe died and I feel like this is the best way I can help. It's about a 6 hour drive to Quebec and then another half hour drive to Lac Magantic.

Last time I went to Canada I'm sure you all know about my little accident while I was there. If you don't, I guess I could share the details again. About a week before I went up for Easter with Scott's family, mom had the stomach flu. Since I didn't get it within the week before I left I figured I might as well go and have some fun. However, the night we got there I got sick. Then it was even more embarrassing because his gram kept telling everyone in french. Ha like I couldn't figure out what she was saying anyway? It sorta spoiled my first time in Canada because I had no energy because my all that energy was trying to fight off the sickness. I could barely stand. That day I only had water and ginger ale to drink no food no matter how much they tried to feed me I just couldn't do it. I felt so bad.

Someday I will go up there and have fun....

Rascall Flatts

"What Hurts The Most"

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don’t bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok

But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowingWhat could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I’m doin’ It

It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone

Still Harder

Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you

That’s what I was trying to do

Nothing is Woking Out

So Im probably not going to get a car. That depresses me. I have no one to sign all that car paper work cause mom cant do it right now and neither can my dad. Hmmmph. Might as well cross my name of the drivers ed list. I've lost all hope.

MY CARRRRR!

Ok so I have been looking for a car. This is a bad thing for a few reasons. ONE : every car that I see and that I love I get my mind set on it and that's not good. TWO: I have no money to buy a car but I desperately need one soon. THREE: I have some good news. Me and my mom are going to try and compromise. She is thinking about agreeing with me on this one. There are two cars that I really like. One is a 1997 Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder GTO and its selling for $2,000 and the other one that I LOVE is a 1999 Chrysler Sebring and that's $2,995. Both are convertibles. So she might think about buying me one and I pay her a certain amount of money a month for a certain amount of months. I figured it all out and I explained to her my plain and she said she will think about it....which is a better answer than a no because it may mean she will actually consider it. I also think its a good idea because paying a car payment is a big responsibility and it may help me in the future. I'm also paying for my own insurance, gas, registration, inspection and I paid for my own drivers ed and the licence. So can anyone back me up on this. Do I have a good idea or what? Ive done pretty good on my own so far I think I deserve a car.....?

How Rude....

I feel like I'm being rude if I dont reply to people when they comment me. So from now on Im going to reply in my blogs.....

Kim- If you would like to read the book I can get you a copy? I think it's boring. My teacher promised it would get better but I'm already half way through the book and it still doesnt interest me. I don't mind posting twice in one day either....my life right now has just been normal and the same every day.

So I was thinking a lot about my birthday. Then I realized that its on the 25Th. I don't know if this makes since to you, but I get torn because I don't know if I should celebrate the 16 years of my life on that day. Or cry non stop on that day because it will be four months. A part of me feel like if I celebrate that day than I would be selfish. I miss Joe very much and I still cry...almost everyday. I had a dream about him the other night and I didn't want to get up the next morning. The first thing I thought about when I woke up was the last time I saw Joe. He had given me a big kiss on the cheek before he left to go home. The dream felt so real that I didn't want to get up and go to school because when I did get up I had to think about how it was just a dream and then I cried. The dream felt so real because it was basically all the memories I had with Joe. Like when him and I won the cardboard boat challenge, when I was little and he used to sneak me some candy. Most of all the first memory I have of Joe, which is when I was probably Luke's age and he took me to the store and got me a can of orange soda. I vaguely remember it but its still there.

It hurts......

Ok Kim,

Kim asked me to write about a book I am reading.
The book I am reading is called Fehrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. I have to read it for English. Let me tell ya, it's the most boring book I have ever read. Its about a guy who burns books for a living because it was illegal to read them. His wife is crazy and attempts suicide all the time. They act like they don't even care about eachother. It's so boring

And a college? I dont know yet. Im looking for a college in NH where I can major in photography. Or just a school for photography. i havent made up my mind if I want to go to school for photography or cosmotology so im thinking about doing both...maybe not at the same time tho.....If I do decide to do both I will do cosmotology 1st so I can get a job quickly and then be able to save up for school for photography also.

Next month I will be taking the PSAT. Thats like a prep test for the SAT and its not mandatory but i signed up anyway. I also go on collegeboard.com because each day I get a sample question from the SAT. It helps me because I know what kind of questions to expect on the SAT.... YAYYYY IM SMART

What to do?

I don't really have anything to write about. My days have been pretty normal lately. I still have a lot of homework and I've been keeping up with that well. In fact I should be doing homework right now.

Demetri told me I was a good babysitter yesterday which made me feel really good. Zoe is growing up so fast. Only 2 months and 4 days until her 1st birthday and my 16Th birthday ( if you didn't know already, her birthday is the same exact day as mine.) We already have a lot in common and shes only 10 months. Hahaha. It's been fun to watch her grow so fast though. I'm glad that Judy is letting me be a big part of their life. I forget who told me this but they said that my job was very important because I'm helping raise those kids. That made me want to be an extra good babysitter 'cause I don't want to be held party responsible for their bad behavoir or anything. I want Judy to tell me I did a good job taking care of her kids.....

Drivers Ed!!

So today I signed up for drivers ed and I start on October 31 ( Halloween). I have 15 classes for 8 weeks so I end on December 19Th. It will be a great Christmas present to myself.

I'm going to have to change the days I babysit but I still have to work so I can keep up with the money.

Anyways, I don't really feel like writing cause I'm really mad at Scott's brother cause he's a horrible person. I try to find the good in him but I just cant. I pray that some day he will change for the better. Its really started to affect me and Scott's relationship...what should I do? Any suggestions?

and i used spell check auntie steph!

Fun time

I wish I could find my USB cord so I could download my pics on here for you guys to see. I had a blast. It didnt even rain all day. We only got like 3 hours of rain while we were at Canobie. By 2 o'clock the sun was shining and it was a beautiful day out. We stayed until the park closed.

I went on the bosten tea party which is a wicked big water ride. I got soaked so I was freezing the rest of the day. We had a lot of fun though. I met Debbies friend Tina. Shes pretty cool.

The next day, sunday, I took Patrick and Scott to the movies. There we met Pats new girlfriend, Kiersten. Shes pretty cool too for a 13 year old HAHAHA. Which reminds me that jesse will be 13 in almost a month. I will be 16 in 2 months and exactly 1 week. Im so excited because only 2 weeks after that I will have my lisence!!!!!

Also 13 more days until me and scotts 2 year anniversary. I know you guys arent too thrilled about that for what ever reason but im stoked. I love him a lot......

CANOBIE LAKE PARK!

Tomorrow I get to go to Canobie Lake Park with Scott and his family. 'Cause theres this thing going on I guess where theyre closing the park for less than 500 people. Debbie got tickets to go and she got me one too. Everything is free except for games. Its supposed to rain a in the morning but a little rain never really hurt anyone.

I have to get up between 7 and 8 because we have to be there by 10. GAHHH I dont want to get up at 7!!!


ps. HEY PEOPLE LEAVE COMMENTS!!!

AHHHHHH!!

So you might have heard about the case of the abuducter in Laconia. Well Im a lil scared cause i live in laconia. The third attempt was last night so now Im not aloud to walk anywhere alone.

Since this situation, Judy went out and got me a blow horn that has some kind of chemical in that makes your skin react to it like you have frost bite. Its pretty sweet for me but if I ever have to use that thing that guy wont be able to hear and will be in a lot of pain. If the blow horn doesnt work...well than I got pepper spray and if that doesnt work Ima have ta kick him ( need i say more?)

Anyways, this weekend Im going to canobe lake park with scott cause his mom got tickets for all of us cause theyre closing down the park for like less than 500 people with tickets. Then on sunday Im going on a doubled date kinda things with scott, his brother, and his brotheres little girlfriend. Pat and Keirsten arent really people id like to go with but i promised id go.

The Bus Driver

Ugh! This year Ive been getting rides to school from my mom everyday. Well today she wanted me to take the bus. So I hear the bus and I went out side to go catch it beacuse she sits there for like 3 minutes to wait for students to get on. Well as I was turnig the corner she started to pull away but she looked right at me and just kept going. GAHH things like that make me mad. It's not like she wouldnt have known me either 'cause i was on her bus all last year.

So the good part is, I get to get a ride from mom. She's not mad though. Hopefully she'll be ready soon.

The Funniest Thing

Yesterday I was babysitting as usual. It was a normal day. I got out of school walked over to Rite Aid where Judy picks me up so I can watch her kids, then she left and I had to bundle up zoe to go pick up Demetri ( by walking). Just after we had gotten back, Dan pulled in. However, he wanted to run some erands so I watched the kids a little while longer. Ok, heres the funny part. While Dan was getting ready to leave, Demetri decided he wanted some grapes for a snack. But, he was also chewing gum. So insted of throwing the gum away like I had asked, he decided to take the gum and wrap it around the grape and then eat it. Well, He got all excited about his new grape gum invention that he just had to tell his dad. As he was telling his dad the story he was using his finger as a food prop, and Bite right down on his finger. He started crying while me and dan couldnt help but laugh.

After Dan got back he gave me a ride home. Demetri seems to like not wearing pants so his dad told him to put pants on and demetri looked up at his dad with a BIG smile and said " Dad? wouldnt it be great if we all could be naked everywhere!?" Now I know you all dont know demetri all that well but its just funny cause he says things like he thought of it first.

Today was a normal day babysitting. Both the kids were really good and demetri and I had a lot of fun. He told me he had two favorite babysitters and the first people that popped in my head were his old babysitter Lauren and his nane (nani) ( his great aunt). But to my surprise he said I was his favorite babysitter along with his nane. It made me feel like im doing a really good job and that I can take care of kids. I already knew Zoe loved me beacuse she always smiles when she sees me and wants me to hold her. Like, she will crawl over to me while im standing or sitting and grab my legs to pull herself up so I can pick her up. I also got really good news that Judy would like me to babysit until i graduate if possible. And I think thats great because I love taking care of kids and babies and its better than working in some grubby fast food place ( no effense to the platt kids).

Wed. Sept. 5

As you all know, I babysit for Judy's kids Demetri and Zoe. Well wednesday when i was watching the kids Demetri and I started to fool around while zoe was sleeping. He was jumping all over me and stuff. When it got too rough i said, "okay demetri lets try to calm down now." So I sat down on the floor and leaned up against the couch. The next thing I hear is SNAP SNAP. It was my neck. Demetri had jumped off the couch and landed right on my head as he had intended to do. He knocked the wind right out of me and I couldnt breathe for a few moments but when I could I called my mom. The pain was soooo unbarable and she took me to the hospital where I was even more uncomfortable. I got a cat scan and it showed no broken bones. However I do have a cervical strain in my neck which is causing the rest of my back to hurt. So I have to wear this really ugly neck brace and I couldnt go to school thursday and friday. What a great way to start of the year huh? Anyways, I have to go take my meds and lay back down.......

I cant spell!!!

Its a good things im not taking spelling this year....Id fail. However, I did get a little dictionary so maybe I should put that to use! hehehehe...

Im finally a SOPHMORE

Today actually wasnt that bad. I liked it. I met all my teachers and they seemed pritty nice. I dont think I like my English teacher though. Shes kinda Stiff, and she speaks in monotone so that makes things more boring. I think I will like History the most this year because my history teacher, Mr. carlson, promised to make it a good and fun year. He is funny and he doesnt take life to seriously. Hes new this year but he just got back from teaching in South Africa. Which I felt was amazing because of the Aparthide that was going on. If you dont know what Aparthide was it was the seperation of black and white people sort of like an segregration (did I spell that right?) Anyways, I also like the room that I take history in because its a lecture hall and those have like 4 different floor levels like bleachers. Im at the veary top so I get to be higher then the teacher...hehe.

We got a new Principle and I really dont like him. First of all only seniors are aloud in the parking lot and on the front lawn and off campus. Juniors and sophmores cant park in the school parking lot. WHICH IS REALLY REDICULOUS BECAUSE IM GETTING MY LISENCE SOON!! WHERE THE HECKERS AM I SUPPOSED TO PARK? He changed a lot of rules. Some good changes but mostly bad changes.

I promised myself I'd do good this year but I also promised someone else. Im not going to break that promise to him. I know some how hes looking down on me and hoping that I do a good job.

Mom was in a bad mood today. She went for a ride and I dont know where she went. I call to check on her and shes ok. but I dont think shes driving because usually you can hear the car or the wind going through the window or something, but it was just silent.

Jenn's Coming

Jenn came home from the island this week and I get to see her today.

I got a phone call from Kim today. That was the first time I had talked to her since she left. She had called to tell beepa that she parked under a tree. Which is a good laugh and a half because those florida trees dont give much shade.

Everybody has seemed to get here early today. Josh got here at 1, Gram, Robin and the kids got here at 2ish, Josh says steph, Chris,and Jenn should be here in about an hour which will be around 4 or 4 30. Judy and the Silvas just arrived as well. Its nice to see their faces. and of course my mom left early from work to get here sooner.....and ive missed her so it will be nice to see her as well.

I saw a smile on Robins face a few times today and it had been a long time sence i had seen a smile on her beautiful face. It gave me that warm fuzzy feeling....

CAMP

Im so excited today! Beepa is taking me up to camp with him. It will be just the two of us until Gram, Robin, Luke, and Alyssa get there. And then the rest of the crew.

I have to admit though, Im having mixed feelings about going to the fair. I met my uncle joe when I was only 3. Ever since I could remember Joe was going to the fair with us too. And this will be the first time we will be going without him. However, I have to look on the bright side of things too. Ill be going with my family, and thats an awesome gift. I wish Kim, Bob, and Jesse could come because I know they havent been to the fair in a veary long time, but also because we all miss them.

Today, I am thankful for this beautiful sunny day, I am thankful to be going up to camp today, and I am thankful for my family.

I am fortunate

Today I started to think about how fortunate I am. I have one of the strongest families anyone could ask for. I dont think I could have made it through that day when I found out my uncle joe had died if my mom hadnt been there for me to cry on her shoulder and scream.

Im so thankful for my mom. She is my hero. She has been so strong for me through everything. Shes someone I can talk to. Especially when I need to talk about how angry or upset I am about things. She always has something to tell me to help me through it. She usually tells me that its okay to feel the way I feel about things.

Shes so strong for me...she made it through the situation with Duane and I dont think I would have made it through if she wasnt here for me. When she was out of work we made a bond that we never had before. Now that shes back to work I miss her a lot. We have less time to talk but i still deffinately know I can talk to her if I have too. And if we had to go through what we went through for us to have the relationship that we have now than so be it because I love it!

Im also grateful for my grandparents. I dont think that I had ever said this before but, Thank You. My grandparents gave me a roof over my head when things were rough for my mom and I. They also gave us all a beautiful place to stay on the lake when ever we want. I know, thats weird for me to say considering I barely go up to camp. However, grammy and beepa put a lot of hard work into that camp to make it the way it is and its absolutly amazing.

There are so many good things I could say about everybody in my family but for now I am tired and id like to go to bed...I LOVE YOU ALL!!!