Thursday, October 4, 2007


Every time I see a motorcycle. Every time I hear a motorcycle. Every time I see Alyssa's face. Every time I see Luke's face. Every time I see Robin's face. Every time I hear those songs. Every time I walk out side and it's a beautiful day. Every time I see a ford. Every time I look at my register and see that I made my account the day before. Every time I think about my birthday. The number 25. Anniversaries. Curly hair. A "life's good" T-shirt. Orange soda. Spinners. Every time I wear my " Jordyns ride" t-shirt. My friend Joe. The news. An ambulance. Howie from deal or no deal. Every time I go to camp. Every time I ride the boat. Every time I see those pictures. Every time someone mentions an accident. Mints. Vodka. Uncles. Spiders. Sports. Waves. Simple answers. Every time I see a truck. Every time I see a flat bed. Every time I hear that someone is dying. Every time I hear someone died. Chances. My memories. The ache. It hurts. YOU. Every time I see your face.

My life is based on frustration.....It won't stop even if I scream. Even if I pray. Even if I laugh. Even if I cry.

I've asked a few questions that nobody is able to answer. Why is it that I see things on T.V or hear about people who have been getting in to motorcycle accidents because they were doing stupid stuff like wheelies and they live, but he dies just trying to go home? Why did god take him when he had so much here? Why in such a way? I don't get it and it will always frustrate me. Frustration leads to sadness and hurt and crying and then living it all over every day.


Steph said...

I know it's hard Heather.
There are no easy answers. Keep's part of the healing.

Robin said...


I have not spoken publicly at length about my thoughts about God in this whole tragedy, but I want you to know something that I feel and have always felt, even since the day this happened. **I do not believe** that "God takes". People relate this idea of "God taking" Joe from me all the time in many, many different ways. And every time I hear it I feel in my heart that God does not take, he gives. We were all given "the gift of Joe", and if we are going to live and experience wonderful people we have to be open to the fact that sometimes people leave us sooner than we would like. I am sure that you will agree with me that it is better to have known Joe and experience this hurt, then not to have known him at all.

You know me Heather and I am not trying to preach to you. What I am saying is, if you care about my opinion, that ***this is not God's fault***. This is life. Sometimes life is hard (understatement) and awful, horrible, terrible things happen. But we have to go on living, and especially in hard times like this, we have to deliberately choose to look for good things in the world. It is hard work, but there is no alternative.