My Sable

So you know I got my first car back in April. My mercury sable. And you probably also know that I was really proud of it. Who wouldnt be proud of their first car? Well less then a month later I started to hate that car. It had nothing but problems and barely got me from point A to point B. I took it to the garage numorous times and finally fount our that it shouldnt have even passed inspection. I went to the DMV, contacted the Atterny Generals Office and the Better Business's Bureau to try and get our money back and get the dealership to buy their car back. So far thats still in progress.

Since the sable is under investegation I couldnt drive it. So I went and bought a new car. Its so much better and I test drove like a million before I purchased this ford five hundred because i wanted a reliable car. And so far so good. I love it. Its about $20 more expesive and my insurence only went up $11. Its fully loaded except for leather seats and I have a sun roof. =)

Ive been having a hard time with a lot of things but mom keeps telling me "its only temporary" Thats what ive been trying to live by.

Some For Now

I've been so crazy busy I cant even remember the last time I updated.

First off Ive been crazy busy with school. And while its been tiring going all summer and missing the time with my family at maidstone, I know it will be worth it soon enough. Im getting more and more return clients every month and making bigger tips. I know Im advancing nicely but I also know that there is always time to get better and learn new things. I have consistantly gotten honor roll every months since I've started way back in January. I cant believe that on September 20th Ill be in phase three, which is the last phase of my education.

On top of school Ive been working at Payless. I love working here because I love shoes, but also because Im so close with everyone who works there. Ive been working very hard and its been paying off. My managers see the progression and I will soon get a key to open and close the store. I have even started training the new associate.

With all the good news comes some bumps in the road. But I will tell you about that in my next post because for now I have to continue with my busy schedule.

Ive talked a lot about how excited I was to grow up and take on new things.

But now, as I am growing up I fear that I have done it too fast. I thought that finishing high school early would be a great head start to starting a career that Ive been interested in for so long. However, its a lot more responsibility than I thought. The biggest responsibility is actually getting myself to school. I have found that extremely hard lately. I have succeeded to not miss any school but every day I argue with myself about going. In the beginning I was excited about getting up and going to school every day. Part of that is because I think it was something new for me. While I do love it there, I have also found it to be extremely repetitive in so many different ways. And I think 'isn't every job some what repetitive?' Do I just get too bored with things too easily?

I am actually graduating high school tomorrow. With that reality, came a lot of thinking. And Ive been thinking extremely hard about failure. Its my biggest fear no doubt and strangely, I'm not afraid to say that. Its the 'what if I don't' kind of thing. Like what if I cant make enough money? What if I cant ever buy my own home? What if I'm not good at what I do? The list goes on and on and on. Now I'm starting to realize that its holding me back.

It's funny how things work out. I had posted before that I gave up on trying to find a job. Well apparently giving up works for me because I basically got this job handed to me all of a sudden. I'm working with mom only as a selector 5 days a week. I'm nervous because this is not like any other job I've worked at before. Its loud and really fast paced. Not that I have a problem with fast paced things. Plus mom works there and a lot of people know who she is. I don't think I'm gonna be able to work up to her standards. By that I mean I don't think I'll be able to work as well as she does. But she has worked there for almost 10 years. Eh Ill stick it out its only a like 2.5 month job.

Yesterday =)

I had my first day in the clinic yesterday. That's the technical name for the salon part of the school. If I was talking about a real clinic then obviously yesterday wouldn't have been my first time =P. Anyway, I felt so comfortable, confident, excited, happy, and I felt like that was my true self. Like working in the salon is who I really am. For me it didn't feel like I was working, I felt like I was just doing what I love to do. I think I was singing out loud at one point and mom said "shh you're at work" and I said "I'm not working" I don't think she got what I meant but maybe after reading this she'll get it. I didn't take one break, I didn't sit down for two seconds, and I don't think I stopped smiling. I would only get more happy when I saw my result and it was close to looking like I have been doing this for years. I said to mom that I belong in phase two already because I do so well. Maybe that's cocky or whatever but I am good. I won't let someone tell me I'm not.
Some other people would complain about having to disinfect they're tools, or sweep up, or anything that had to do with disinfecting or picking up. Me, I did that stuff happily. I think a small part of the success is taking care of you're tools and what not.
Yesterday was over all a really good day. Until my last client ( mom ) left. Around 2:30 when all my excitement was over I think I paid attention to how I was feeling physically and not focusing so much on the hours I spent with clients. I started feeling really sick to my stomach and I thought it was because I didn't take a break to eat anything. So I went home and made myself a sandwich and forced myself to eat half of it because I really thought I was just extremely hungry. After minute or two of allowing myself to see how I felt after the sandwich I decided it wasn't gonna stay down. And sure enough it didn't. So from 5-11pm I was getting sick and I haven't felt so bad in all my life I think. I didn't want to get dehydrated so I would have little sips of water here and there but I couldn't keep even water down. I surprisingly slept through the night and this morning I only have a little tummy ache. I've been drinking water but I'm scared to eat =(

EBS

School has been going really well. Not to brag or anything but I'm really good at it. I got honor roll for my first month. We go by months not semesters or anything. I am second in my class of 12. Which I'm still proud of.

On February 22nd I go into the salon and cut peoples hair for real. That day I can invite anyone to come in for a FREE hair cut or whatever. That day only though. Sad part is I'm only in there from 9 am to 3 pm and everyone is either working or in school or probably going to be in Vermont. Oh and I can't even do mens hair that day because we haven't learned mens cuts yet. I can do scalp treatments though =) thats good stuff.

It's a little bit nerve racking but I know I'm good at it =)

=(

I miss Grammie and Beepa. I cant wait to see them when they get back =)

My First Week

I went in on Tuesday a bit nervous. Once I got there things felt a little better. There are only 12 people in my class which makes it easy to get one on one time with the instructor, Miss Erica. There was about 3 people there that I already knew some how from High School. We were supposed to get our kits on Tuesday but they didn't come because of the holiday and weather. Then they came in on Wednesday but at the very end of class. Finally on Thursday we got our kits and it took about an hour and a half to open everything. It was like Christmas all over again. =)I got 8 very large and heavy books and luckily a back pack came with everything else. It's a lot of fun but also very hard. Harder then I expected but it's okay because I really want to do this =).
For those of you who wanted me to cut and color you hair and such....I cannot unless you come in to the Empire School. Because I am considered an apprentice, it is against the law to perform such things while my instructor isn't supervising me. If state board found out that I did perform such a service like that then the state of NH wouldn't terminate me from ever getting a cosmetology license.

My first test is tomorrow. I'm feeling pretty good about it. Luckily all my tests and exams will be multiple choice. Even my state boards! That takes a lot of stress off my shoulders.

Last Day

I'm sitting here in one of my High Schools study rooms. Today I feel more focused on emotion than actually graduating. Because I know I'm graduating and today is my last day. I have a weird feeling of emptiness, like a feeling as if I'll never see this place again or the people in it. I know that's not true though. I can't let it be true.
One day earlier this week and girl who is also graduating early said to me, 'Isn't it wierd that we are ending high school? Isn't it wierd that we are basically ending our life?" I was shocked by this because I have never thought of it as ending my life. I've always thought of it as just beginning my life. Or my adult life I should say. It's been replaying in my head and I'm not sure why.
I hope I don't cry. I dont want my mascara to run.