Thursday, June 10, 2010

Ive talked a lot about how excited I was to grow up and take on new things.

But now, as I am growing up I fear that I have done it too fast. I thought that finishing high school early would be a great head start to starting a career that Ive been interested in for so long. However, its a lot more responsibility than I thought. The biggest responsibility is actually getting myself to school. I have found that extremely hard lately. I have succeeded to not miss any school but every day I argue with myself about going. In the beginning I was excited about getting up and going to school every day. Part of that is because I think it was something new for me. While I do love it there, I have also found it to be extremely repetitive in so many different ways. And I think 'isn't every job some what repetitive?' Do I just get too bored with things too easily?

I am actually graduating high school tomorrow. With that reality, came a lot of thinking. And Ive been thinking extremely hard about failure. Its my biggest fear no doubt and strangely, I'm not afraid to say that. Its the 'what if I don't' kind of thing. Like what if I cant make enough money? What if I cant ever buy my own home? What if I'm not good at what I do? The list goes on and on and on. Now I'm starting to realize that its holding me back.