I totally forgot today was fathers day. Basically because I don't have a father around to say it to. I have no control over that. Believe it or not I spent memorial day night expressing how I feel about my father to him. He didn't really care and got mad and blamed me and every one else FOR HIS ABSENCE. Chuck just kept saying how it wasn't his fault at all. I cried about it for a while but then I realized if he's not man enough to own up to what he HASN'T been doing during my 17 years of life, than he's not man enough to be my father. I hate to be wicked conceited when I say this but hes missed out on something great. I have been so successful with school and with certain goals that I have and he's missed out. Not me.
Mom at one point was trying to calm me down and while I was still upset I said "I just want what you've had your whole life." and she said "You do" And she is right. Beepa may not be my father haha, but he is my grandfather and he has been here for me my whole life. And every time I think about it I cry because I don't know what I'd do with out him. I had the opportunity to live with my grandparents for two years out of my life. During that time beepa taught me right and wrong. He taught me respect, even though mom and I still get into occasional arguments and every time I think of Beepa and I apologize to mom. He taught me table manners and still teaches me haha. He gives me complete support with any decisions I may have and he always praises me when I've done something well. Which brings me back years ago when Steph gave us flowers and each kid had to give it to someone who was their hero or someone they look up to. I gave mine to Beepa. And if someone gave me a million bucks to give to the person I look up to, I'd give it to Beepa.
With that said, I never missed out on having a male figure in my life because I have Beepa. Like I said he may not be my father but he is my grandfather and in my case that is the best thing.
Anyway. I started work today at Ames Farm and I pretty much love it. Who woulda thunk it? I hate cleaning my room but I actually like cleaning the cabins. I'm sure once I work there a few times I will hate it. But for now I like it.