Wednesday, July 29, 2009

What Beepa's Truck Has Taught Me (and other thoughts)

Responsibility for sure.

When Beepa first gave me this truck to use for the summer I was just happy to have a vehicle to depend on other then my mothers. I didn't have to wait for her to get home to go job searching or to go grocery shopping and I havent had to keep mom from going to Vermont when she wants to. But now I truly understand the responsibility of having a vehicle.

I have to think about gas and power steering fluid before I even think about spending money on something else. Or saving it of course.

I have to keep it cleaned. I never used to take out my trash or empty water bottles in Moms car but now I truly understand the annoyance of a messy car. Eww.

I take care of it. I don't like when people get to close to me driving but I have to do my best because I cant control other drivers.

Beepa's truck and I have a good relationship. The truck and I have agreed if I take care of him he will take care of me. So far the pact is still tight. haha

I thought about some of these things with moms car but not as much as I do now with beepas truck.

Now to turn the tables around and go from one extreme to another.

Many of you have heard about the issues with my father. He moved to Texas and wanted me to go down there and talk to him face to face about the problems I have with him.

At first I said I would go. Before you get angry and ask why I will try my best to tell you why but its not easy. I made a post about how Beepa has been the man in my life for my whole life and I don't take that back I still feel that way greatly. But chuck is my dad and I will always be mad at him but at the same time i will always want what I didn't have from him. Like I told mom, I wouldn't go to find something better than what I do have because there is nothing better than what I have.

So I thought about it for just about the past three weeks. I have decided that going to Texas isn't going to change anything. I have also thought hard about how I want him to be in my life. I want him to be like a buddy. I don't want him to be like a father cuz he is not. This may be cold but I decided if chuck and I did regain some kind of relationship i wouldn't want him at my graduations and i wouldn't want him at my wedding some day. He doesn't deserve to go to either occasions. Graduating high school and one day cosmetology school are big steps to growing up and hitting the real world. I don't think he deserves to be here for these because he wasn't around to see me transition. And as for getting married someday...the person who should give me away is the person who has raised me my whole life and that is my mother.

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