Columbine

Today I learned about Columbine High School. Today my life changed once again.

Today in school a guy named Richard came to our school to talk about Rachel's Challenge. Rachel Scott was the first student killed at Columbine High School. He talked about how she wanted to change the world and a month before she died she wrote a school essay and in her essay she said a few things that keep playing like a movie over and over in my head. She wrote this: " I have a theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion then it can start a chain reaction" and she wrote," My codes may seem like a fantasy that can never be reached, but test them for yourself, and see the kind of effect they have in the lives of people around you." It made me think long and hard about the kind of person I am and the kind of person I want to be. So today I started this 'chain reaction'. At lunch I saw a kid sitting by himself at the table and I said to my friends Darren and Desiree,' I'm going to go sit with him. Do you want to come?' They did and at first it was a little awkward because other kids were starring at us like we were crazy but after a few minutes another few people came over to sit down. And then another few people. By the time lunch was over the picnic table was filled and we had kids surrounding us. It felt great. I felt a sort of warmth in my heart. The person that kept going through my head was uncle Joe. Mostly because I know Joe was the very same way. He wouldn't let anybody be alone during activities or anything fun. He was the first person to ask you if you wanted to go on a boat ride with him or go for a walk or something.

At the very end of the program thing Richard asked us to picture people that we a gratful for and people that we couldn't live without. I cried uncontrollably because I thought of Joe. Then he asked us to go home and tell the first person that popped in our heads, that we loved them. I cried even more because I could not come home and call Joe and tell him I loved him. So insted I screamed it and then started crying again...whats wrong with me?

If you can I want to you to go to this website http://www.rachelschallenge.com/Home/tabid/1570/Default.aspx and read what she wrote and watch what I watched today its on there just check out the site. I know this is for high school students mostly but I know some adults out there that can act the same way as teens. I don't mean you guys though.

Canada

I'm going to Canada this weekend ( yeah Kim laugh it up it is a different country( didn't mean that sarcastically) ) but I'm not really going for fun. I'm going there to support Scott because his gram is in the hospital and they don't know if she's gonna make it. Scott and his family was there for me when Uncle Joe died and I feel like this is the best way I can help. It's about a 6 hour drive to Quebec and then another half hour drive to Lac Magantic.

Last time I went to Canada I'm sure you all know about my little accident while I was there. If you don't, I guess I could share the details again. About a week before I went up for Easter with Scott's family, mom had the stomach flu. Since I didn't get it within the week before I left I figured I might as well go and have some fun. However, the night we got there I got sick. Then it was even more embarrassing because his gram kept telling everyone in french. Ha like I couldn't figure out what she was saying anyway? It sorta spoiled my first time in Canada because I had no energy because my all that energy was trying to fight off the sickness. I could barely stand. That day I only had water and ginger ale to drink no food no matter how much they tried to feed me I just couldn't do it. I felt so bad.

Someday I will go up there and have fun....

Rascall Flatts

"What Hurts The Most"

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don’t bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok

But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowingWhat could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I’m doin’ It

It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone

Still Harder

Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you

That’s what I was trying to do

Nothing is Woking Out

So Im probably not going to get a car. That depresses me. I have no one to sign all that car paper work cause mom cant do it right now and neither can my dad. Hmmmph. Might as well cross my name of the drivers ed list. I've lost all hope.

MY CARRRRR!

Ok so I have been looking for a car. This is a bad thing for a few reasons. ONE : every car that I see and that I love I get my mind set on it and that's not good. TWO: I have no money to buy a car but I desperately need one soon. THREE: I have some good news. Me and my mom are going to try and compromise. She is thinking about agreeing with me on this one. There are two cars that I really like. One is a 1997 Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder GTO and its selling for $2,000 and the other one that I LOVE is a 1999 Chrysler Sebring and that's $2,995. Both are convertibles. So she might think about buying me one and I pay her a certain amount of money a month for a certain amount of months. I figured it all out and I explained to her my plain and she said she will think about it....which is a better answer than a no because it may mean she will actually consider it. I also think its a good idea because paying a car payment is a big responsibility and it may help me in the future. I'm also paying for my own insurance, gas, registration, inspection and I paid for my own drivers ed and the licence. So can anyone back me up on this. Do I have a good idea or what? Ive done pretty good on my own so far I think I deserve a car.....?

How Rude....

I feel like I'm being rude if I dont reply to people when they comment me. So from now on Im going to reply in my blogs.....

Kim- If you would like to read the book I can get you a copy? I think it's boring. My teacher promised it would get better but I'm already half way through the book and it still doesnt interest me. I don't mind posting twice in one day either....my life right now has just been normal and the same every day.

So I was thinking a lot about my birthday. Then I realized that its on the 25Th. I don't know if this makes since to you, but I get torn because I don't know if I should celebrate the 16 years of my life on that day. Or cry non stop on that day because it will be four months. A part of me feel like if I celebrate that day than I would be selfish. I miss Joe very much and I still cry...almost everyday. I had a dream about him the other night and I didn't want to get up the next morning. The first thing I thought about when I woke up was the last time I saw Joe. He had given me a big kiss on the cheek before he left to go home. The dream felt so real that I didn't want to get up and go to school because when I did get up I had to think about how it was just a dream and then I cried. The dream felt so real because it was basically all the memories I had with Joe. Like when him and I won the cardboard boat challenge, when I was little and he used to sneak me some candy. Most of all the first memory I have of Joe, which is when I was probably Luke's age and he took me to the store and got me a can of orange soda. I vaguely remember it but its still there.

It hurts......

Ok Kim,

Kim asked me to write about a book I am reading.
The book I am reading is called Fehrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. I have to read it for English. Let me tell ya, it's the most boring book I have ever read. Its about a guy who burns books for a living because it was illegal to read them. His wife is crazy and attempts suicide all the time. They act like they don't even care about eachother. It's so boring

And a college? I dont know yet. Im looking for a college in NH where I can major in photography. Or just a school for photography. i havent made up my mind if I want to go to school for photography or cosmotology so im thinking about doing both...maybe not at the same time tho.....If I do decide to do both I will do cosmotology 1st so I can get a job quickly and then be able to save up for school for photography also.

Next month I will be taking the PSAT. Thats like a prep test for the SAT and its not mandatory but i signed up anyway. I also go on collegeboard.com because each day I get a sample question from the SAT. It helps me because I know what kind of questions to expect on the SAT.... YAYYYY IM SMART

What to do?

I don't really have anything to write about. My days have been pretty normal lately. I still have a lot of homework and I've been keeping up with that well. In fact I should be doing homework right now.

Demetri told me I was a good babysitter yesterday which made me feel really good. Zoe is growing up so fast. Only 2 months and 4 days until her 1st birthday and my 16Th birthday ( if you didn't know already, her birthday is the same exact day as mine.) We already have a lot in common and shes only 10 months. Hahaha. It's been fun to watch her grow so fast though. I'm glad that Judy is letting me be a big part of their life. I forget who told me this but they said that my job was very important because I'm helping raise those kids. That made me want to be an extra good babysitter 'cause I don't want to be held party responsible for their bad behavoir or anything. I want Judy to tell me I did a good job taking care of her kids.....

Drivers Ed!!

So today I signed up for drivers ed and I start on October 31 ( Halloween). I have 15 classes for 8 weeks so I end on December 19Th. It will be a great Christmas present to myself.

I'm going to have to change the days I babysit but I still have to work so I can keep up with the money.

Anyways, I don't really feel like writing cause I'm really mad at Scott's brother cause he's a horrible person. I try to find the good in him but I just cant. I pray that some day he will change for the better. Its really started to affect me and Scott's relationship...what should I do? Any suggestions?

and i used spell check auntie steph!

Fun time

I wish I could find my USB cord so I could download my pics on here for you guys to see. I had a blast. It didnt even rain all day. We only got like 3 hours of rain while we were at Canobie. By 2 o'clock the sun was shining and it was a beautiful day out. We stayed until the park closed.

I went on the bosten tea party which is a wicked big water ride. I got soaked so I was freezing the rest of the day. We had a lot of fun though. I met Debbies friend Tina. Shes pretty cool.

The next day, sunday, I took Patrick and Scott to the movies. There we met Pats new girlfriend, Kiersten. Shes pretty cool too for a 13 year old HAHAHA. Which reminds me that jesse will be 13 in almost a month. I will be 16 in 2 months and exactly 1 week. Im so excited because only 2 weeks after that I will have my lisence!!!!!

Also 13 more days until me and scotts 2 year anniversary. I know you guys arent too thrilled about that for what ever reason but im stoked. I love him a lot......

CANOBIE LAKE PARK!

Tomorrow I get to go to Canobie Lake Park with Scott and his family. 'Cause theres this thing going on I guess where theyre closing the park for less than 500 people. Debbie got tickets to go and she got me one too. Everything is free except for games. Its supposed to rain a in the morning but a little rain never really hurt anyone.

I have to get up between 7 and 8 because we have to be there by 10. GAHHH I dont want to get up at 7!!!


ps. HEY PEOPLE LEAVE COMMENTS!!!

AHHHHHH!!

So you might have heard about the case of the abuducter in Laconia. Well Im a lil scared cause i live in laconia. The third attempt was last night so now Im not aloud to walk anywhere alone.

Since this situation, Judy went out and got me a blow horn that has some kind of chemical in that makes your skin react to it like you have frost bite. Its pretty sweet for me but if I ever have to use that thing that guy wont be able to hear and will be in a lot of pain. If the blow horn doesnt work...well than I got pepper spray and if that doesnt work Ima have ta kick him ( need i say more?)

Anyways, this weekend Im going to canobe lake park with scott cause his mom got tickets for all of us cause theyre closing down the park for like less than 500 people with tickets. Then on sunday Im going on a doubled date kinda things with scott, his brother, and his brotheres little girlfriend. Pat and Keirsten arent really people id like to go with but i promised id go.

The Bus Driver

Ugh! This year Ive been getting rides to school from my mom everyday. Well today she wanted me to take the bus. So I hear the bus and I went out side to go catch it beacuse she sits there for like 3 minutes to wait for students to get on. Well as I was turnig the corner she started to pull away but she looked right at me and just kept going. GAHH things like that make me mad. It's not like she wouldnt have known me either 'cause i was on her bus all last year.

So the good part is, I get to get a ride from mom. She's not mad though. Hopefully she'll be ready soon.

The Funniest Thing

Yesterday I was babysitting as usual. It was a normal day. I got out of school walked over to Rite Aid where Judy picks me up so I can watch her kids, then she left and I had to bundle up zoe to go pick up Demetri ( by walking). Just after we had gotten back, Dan pulled in. However, he wanted to run some erands so I watched the kids a little while longer. Ok, heres the funny part. While Dan was getting ready to leave, Demetri decided he wanted some grapes for a snack. But, he was also chewing gum. So insted of throwing the gum away like I had asked, he decided to take the gum and wrap it around the grape and then eat it. Well, He got all excited about his new grape gum invention that he just had to tell his dad. As he was telling his dad the story he was using his finger as a food prop, and Bite right down on his finger. He started crying while me and dan couldnt help but laugh.

After Dan got back he gave me a ride home. Demetri seems to like not wearing pants so his dad told him to put pants on and demetri looked up at his dad with a BIG smile and said " Dad? wouldnt it be great if we all could be naked everywhere!?" Now I know you all dont know demetri all that well but its just funny cause he says things like he thought of it first.

Today was a normal day babysitting. Both the kids were really good and demetri and I had a lot of fun. He told me he had two favorite babysitters and the first people that popped in my head were his old babysitter Lauren and his nane (nani) ( his great aunt). But to my surprise he said I was his favorite babysitter along with his nane. It made me feel like im doing a really good job and that I can take care of kids. I already knew Zoe loved me beacuse she always smiles when she sees me and wants me to hold her. Like, she will crawl over to me while im standing or sitting and grab my legs to pull herself up so I can pick her up. I also got really good news that Judy would like me to babysit until i graduate if possible. And I think thats great because I love taking care of kids and babies and its better than working in some grubby fast food place ( no effense to the platt kids).

Wed. Sept. 5

As you all know, I babysit for Judy's kids Demetri and Zoe. Well wednesday when i was watching the kids Demetri and I started to fool around while zoe was sleeping. He was jumping all over me and stuff. When it got too rough i said, "okay demetri lets try to calm down now." So I sat down on the floor and leaned up against the couch. The next thing I hear is SNAP SNAP. It was my neck. Demetri had jumped off the couch and landed right on my head as he had intended to do. He knocked the wind right out of me and I couldnt breathe for a few moments but when I could I called my mom. The pain was soooo unbarable and she took me to the hospital where I was even more uncomfortable. I got a cat scan and it showed no broken bones. However I do have a cervical strain in my neck which is causing the rest of my back to hurt. So I have to wear this really ugly neck brace and I couldnt go to school thursday and friday. What a great way to start of the year huh? Anyways, I have to go take my meds and lay back down.......

I cant spell!!!

Its a good things im not taking spelling this year....Id fail. However, I did get a little dictionary so maybe I should put that to use! hehehehe...

Im finally a SOPHMORE

Today actually wasnt that bad. I liked it. I met all my teachers and they seemed pritty nice. I dont think I like my English teacher though. Shes kinda Stiff, and she speaks in monotone so that makes things more boring. I think I will like History the most this year because my history teacher, Mr. carlson, promised to make it a good and fun year. He is funny and he doesnt take life to seriously. Hes new this year but he just got back from teaching in South Africa. Which I felt was amazing because of the Aparthide that was going on. If you dont know what Aparthide was it was the seperation of black and white people sort of like an segregration (did I spell that right?) Anyways, I also like the room that I take history in because its a lecture hall and those have like 4 different floor levels like bleachers. Im at the veary top so I get to be higher then the teacher...hehe.

We got a new Principle and I really dont like him. First of all only seniors are aloud in the parking lot and on the front lawn and off campus. Juniors and sophmores cant park in the school parking lot. WHICH IS REALLY REDICULOUS BECAUSE IM GETTING MY LISENCE SOON!! WHERE THE HECKERS AM I SUPPOSED TO PARK? He changed a lot of rules. Some good changes but mostly bad changes.

I promised myself I'd do good this year but I also promised someone else. Im not going to break that promise to him. I know some how hes looking down on me and hoping that I do a good job.

Mom was in a bad mood today. She went for a ride and I dont know where she went. I call to check on her and shes ok. but I dont think shes driving because usually you can hear the car or the wind going through the window or something, but it was just silent.