Awareness

Its been a secret I think. But it's something I need to let people know now.

On December 17th 2009 I was diagnosed with PCOS. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It was a huge battle for 3 years with one doctor. I would explain symptoms and explain my pain and tell her I knew something was not right. This doctor always told me in was in my head and it was just a cry for attention. Finally I find a new doctor who didn't think I was crazy and actually cared for my concern. After a number of tests and getting stuck with needles countless times I was finally diagnosed with PCOS. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is not curable and it comes in several stages. By that time I was in a stage that had to be taken care of immediately. PCOS causes a number of problems that you wouldn't even think would be associated with the name of the syndrome.

1. Can cause women to gain a large amount of weight in a short amount of time.
2. Insulin becomes out of wack and can cause pre diabetes and diabetes.
3. Causes unbalanced hormones which causes Male patterned baldness, facial/back/chest/knuckle hair growth.
4. Can cause mental issues such as depression, manic depression, and bi polar disorder.
5.Can cause heart disease. Women with PCOS are 4 to 7 times more likely to have heart failure by the age of 40 then women without PCOS
6. Can cause a number of different types of cancers. I wont even go in to detail with that.
7. Can cause high blood pressure
8. Can cause endometriosis
9. Can cause twisted ovary
10.The number one cause infertility (which I don't have to worry bout now)

When I was first diagnosed I was put on medication. With this condition I have to go in the doctors every two months and usually get blood work. After about 4 months most of my blood work went back to normal. I wasn't in pain and felt better. I had lost 25 pounds. The hair loss and the hair growth never went away but I felt better. So, I stopped taking medications. When I stopped I began to notice the weight coming back but I still wasn't in pain. About a year after I was diagnosed I started to be in pain again. Unfortunately I lost my job and couldn't afford to be put back on meds. The pain has been getting worse and worse and so I decided that I wasn't sure if I knew enough about PCOS and I did a load of research. And at that point I did a load of learning.

Unfortunately it took me a really long time to find these things out because again, unfortunately, most doctors don't understand the whole concept of the disease. I have yet to figure out what causes it. Ive heard its a complication with the pituitary glad in your brain. Ive also heard that the disease can be carried in genes. Now that I've learned a lot about it I really need to step it up. I have to do that by making it my top priority to eat right and exercise. Us girls know how hard it is to lose weight. Someone who has PCOS has an even harder time losing the weight and keeping it off. If I lose the weight my symptoms will go down a great amount. PCOS causes me a lot of pain and that needs to go away.

Looking Back

"As for the person I want to be, I want to be the best person I can be. I want to reach my life goals with my head high. I know sometimes the hurdles get really hard to jump but I'm willing to take 'em on and beat 'em up. I want to learn how to make mistakes and learn from them instead of letting them push me down. I want to not let my fears get in the way of how I'd like to live my life. I want to not only make myself proud but I want to make you proud." - December 2009

I wish I had read that every day for the past year. I forgot all to easily about who I wanted to be. Im at a point in my very young adult life where the hurdle I have come across seems almost impossible. Until I read this post I thought I was at my deepest depression. I lost my job and had to walk into the bank to get an extension on my loan so my car wouldnt get repoed. I had to shut of my cell phone and most of you know that was my bestfriend. I was going 84 in a 65 and got a fine of $258.33 and had to deal with making myself feel extremely stupid. I had to start depending on people. When I read that post I knew I had to change something about what I was doing. So I'm turning over a new leaf.

My Sable

So you know I got my first car back in April. My mercury sable. And you probably also know that I was really proud of it. Who wouldnt be proud of their first car? Well less then a month later I started to hate that car. It had nothing but problems and barely got me from point A to point B. I took it to the garage numorous times and finally fount our that it shouldnt have even passed inspection. I went to the DMV, contacted the Atterny Generals Office and the Better Business's Bureau to try and get our money back and get the dealership to buy their car back. So far thats still in progress.

Since the sable is under investegation I couldnt drive it. So I went and bought a new car. Its so much better and I test drove like a million before I purchased this ford five hundred because i wanted a reliable car. And so far so good. I love it. Its about $20 more expesive and my insurence only went up $11. Its fully loaded except for leather seats and I have a sun roof. =)

Ive been having a hard time with a lot of things but mom keeps telling me "its only temporary" Thats what ive been trying to live by.

Some For Now

I've been so crazy busy I cant even remember the last time I updated.

First off Ive been crazy busy with school. And while its been tiring going all summer and missing the time with my family at maidstone, I know it will be worth it soon enough. Im getting more and more return clients every month and making bigger tips. I know Im advancing nicely but I also know that there is always time to get better and learn new things. I have consistantly gotten honor roll every months since I've started way back in January. I cant believe that on September 20th Ill be in phase three, which is the last phase of my education.

On top of school Ive been working at Payless. I love working here because I love shoes, but also because Im so close with everyone who works there. Ive been working very hard and its been paying off. My managers see the progression and I will soon get a key to open and close the store. I have even started training the new associate.

With all the good news comes some bumps in the road. But I will tell you about that in my next post because for now I have to continue with my busy schedule.

Ive talked a lot about how excited I was to grow up and take on new things.

But now, as I am growing up I fear that I have done it too fast. I thought that finishing high school early would be a great head start to starting a career that Ive been interested in for so long. However, its a lot more responsibility than I thought. The biggest responsibility is actually getting myself to school. I have found that extremely hard lately. I have succeeded to not miss any school but every day I argue with myself about going. In the beginning I was excited about getting up and going to school every day. Part of that is because I think it was something new for me. While I do love it there, I have also found it to be extremely repetitive in so many different ways. And I think 'isn't every job some what repetitive?' Do I just get too bored with things too easily?

I am actually graduating high school tomorrow. With that reality, came a lot of thinking. And Ive been thinking extremely hard about failure. Its my biggest fear no doubt and strangely, I'm not afraid to say that. Its the 'what if I don't' kind of thing. Like what if I cant make enough money? What if I cant ever buy my own home? What if I'm not good at what I do? The list goes on and on and on. Now I'm starting to realize that its holding me back.

It's funny how things work out. I had posted before that I gave up on trying to find a job. Well apparently giving up works for me because I basically got this job handed to me all of a sudden. I'm working with mom only as a selector 5 days a week. I'm nervous because this is not like any other job I've worked at before. Its loud and really fast paced. Not that I have a problem with fast paced things. Plus mom works there and a lot of people know who she is. I don't think I'm gonna be able to work up to her standards. By that I mean I don't think I'll be able to work as well as she does. But she has worked there for almost 10 years. Eh Ill stick it out its only a like 2.5 month job.

Yesterday =)

I had my first day in the clinic yesterday. That's the technical name for the salon part of the school. If I was talking about a real clinic then obviously yesterday wouldn't have been my first time =P. Anyway, I felt so comfortable, confident, excited, happy, and I felt like that was my true self. Like working in the salon is who I really am. For me it didn't feel like I was working, I felt like I was just doing what I love to do. I think I was singing out loud at one point and mom said "shh you're at work" and I said "I'm not working" I don't think she got what I meant but maybe after reading this she'll get it. I didn't take one break, I didn't sit down for two seconds, and I don't think I stopped smiling. I would only get more happy when I saw my result and it was close to looking like I have been doing this for years. I said to mom that I belong in phase two already because I do so well. Maybe that's cocky or whatever but I am good. I won't let someone tell me I'm not.
Some other people would complain about having to disinfect they're tools, or sweep up, or anything that had to do with disinfecting or picking up. Me, I did that stuff happily. I think a small part of the success is taking care of you're tools and what not.
Yesterday was over all a really good day. Until my last client ( mom ) left. Around 2:30 when all my excitement was over I think I paid attention to how I was feeling physically and not focusing so much on the hours I spent with clients. I started feeling really sick to my stomach and I thought it was because I didn't take a break to eat anything. So I went home and made myself a sandwich and forced myself to eat half of it because I really thought I was just extremely hungry. After minute or two of allowing myself to see how I felt after the sandwich I decided it wasn't gonna stay down. And sure enough it didn't. So from 5-11pm I was getting sick and I haven't felt so bad in all my life I think. I didn't want to get dehydrated so I would have little sips of water here and there but I couldn't keep even water down. I surprisingly slept through the night and this morning I only have a little tummy ache. I've been drinking water but I'm scared to eat =(